I believe that lust is an incredibly powerful force in a man's desires. It has the ability to control and devastate a man, and I would like to spend some time trying to reflect on my own experience with lust to better understand it. I believe that in better understanding the power of lust, I will better control it in the future. I think that lust is a very interesting force in a man's mind.
In many cases, lust is like firework. It is driven by an initial spark that leads to a great wave of lust that controls and drives the action of an individual until the final explosion or climax of satisfaction is achieved. Typically, the cycle begins with provocation by exposure to an initial stimulant of lust. It could be a provocative Instagram real or YouTube short that is sexual in nature that acts as the initial force or push in one's mind that stimulates the desire for lust and initiates the chain reaction. This spark turns on a wave of momentum, a continuous feedback loop, that urges the body to continue seeing more sexual images. The excitement continues until a final climax is reached after masturbation and ejaculation. And then like a firework, after the final explosion of ejaculation, a sudden silence and calmness proceeds, drastically contrasted from the bursting, energetic excitement that controlled the mind before. This sudden dissipation of lust is termed as "post nut clarity."
Even having been through this process many times in life, and analyzing it in my mind carefully, I still find the process difficult to understand. The actions and the cycle seem somewhat illogical, and I can not pinpoint exactly what causes one to make the decisions that drive the cycle. If we look at this process from a broader overview, the tradeoff of up to 30 minutes, maybe more, of one's time, for the pleasure of masturbation and then orgasm, seems illogical. Thinking it over, I personally do not believe that an orgasm and ejaculation or masturbation is that pleasurable. If we are to remove the element of lust, and someone presented me with the option to feel the exact same amount of pure pleasure in the form of a drug or some other appropriate mechanism to provide pleasure in exchange for the subtraction of 30 minutes to an hour, many times even more time, from my life, and I could make the decision immediately without having been tempted or controlled by a momentum of desire or passion, I do not believe I would take the offer. I would rather keep the 30 minutes to up to an hour or two. I believe that logically several hours a week is much more valuable than experiencing the amount of pleasure one enjoys from masturbation. The amount of pleasure does not justify the hours of life wasted. So there seems to be something else special that drives the "firework" cycle of lust that consumes a man. And I remember this feeling. As you are initially provoked, you are driven by an intense force that consumes you. In that process, I know what I am doing is wrong and that it will cost me time, but I feel a certain excitement that forces, urges me to continue the process of looking at images and wanting to masturbate. In that moment, it is not just considering the pleasure I will experience at orgasm, but something more subtle that drives me. I feel a sort of wanting to continue and feeling that I do not want to stop and I know I will not stop, and the feeling that I just, just must. A similar experience in my life is with food. I know I should not get the jelly donut, but I just try to ignore and push aside the rational mind with the force of passion sparked in me that I must enjoy the donut. I just, just must. Logically, is diabetes and cardiovascular problems worth the limited pleasure of a donut? no. But passion drives me anyway.
I think that is it. It is not logic, but uncontrolled passion and longing etched within my body's programming, that drives physical desire. I have come to the conclusion that if this "firework" cycle of lust is not logical, the driving force of lust could be mostly, if not all, biological. It is not the intellect that drives lust, but lower, physical desires of the fleshly body that catalyzes the cycle of lust. As someone who wants to grow up to become a good man, I must be able to control these lower, physical desires that seek to control and devour me. I must follow God. I must use my intellect and will to overcome the waves of evil that seek to control me.
- Athanasius
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